Feeling Guilt-Free in a Work-Life Balance

I've spent the last month submerging myself in work and several side projects. Though I have felt an immense sense of satisfaction investing time and energy on matters that personally matter to me, I'm also ashamed to admit I have grown increasingly fearful--not of personal successes or failures--but scared that all this work takes me away from my family.

The Hubby is supportive and continually encourages me to pursue my interests. His main concern, like mine, is deciphering the source of this sudden anxiety.

Finding a work-life balance has been a continual struggle for me. I love work for the opportunities to problem-solve, interact with others. Meanwhile, I deeply cherish my family, being a mother and a wife.

The Hubby and I divide housework and child care responsibilities fairly. We both have jobs we like. Yet, he seems to be a doing a better job at being in the moment, at home, at work.

I came across this infographic from the Captivate Network that demonstrates how men are happier at work-life balance than women. How come?

Another study from researchers from the University of Toronto in the Journal of Health and Social Behavior suggests that it could be because "women are able to juggle their work and family lives just as well as men, but they feel more guilty...This guilt seems to be at the heart of their distress."

Admittedly, I am guilty of feeling guilty. I realize that I can choose not to expend so much energy towards pleasing the Hubby or meeting others' expectation--real or self-imposed. Rather, why not take pride in myself, my accomplishments, my role in caring for my family? Of finding peace, separate from others, from within.

Loving Life and Not the Game

Our toddler recently complained about a bully—a child that has been consistently teasing and hitting her.

Concerned parents, our initial responses were:

-Why? Were you doing something to provoke the child?
-Just ignore him and he’ll leave you alone.
(and the Hubby’s personal favorite)
-Hit’em back, that’ll teach him to mess with you!

Thoughtful advice to stop a child from hurting. In the short-term, that is.

The truth is, bullies are everywhere—in schools, in the workplace, in your relationships.

We know who they are. They pick on the new kid...complain incessantly...point the finger at everyone else but themselves...take delight in demeaning others. They may even physically hurt you.

And you’ve probably tried your hardest to stop their bullying by appeasing them, ignoring them, fighting back.
And have failed.

My best advice? Don’t play their game.

So the next time he bullied her, she said:
I won’t play with you if you can't place nice. Then got up and left.

Walk. Discover real friends and true love. Appreciate them for giving you genuine advice, for respecting your ideas, for making you happy. Because playing games will only make you miserable. And you deserve better.

A Mother, Shoulders Deep

During a morning beach run, I noticed a woman knee deep in the sand building a spectacular sandcastle for her children.

They are everywhere, these amazing mothers.

In the water, thrashing through treacherous waves. On the sand, playfully being buried head to toe. In the playground, dutifully pushing swings.

And I am not one of them.

I am sitting on a beach chair, eyeing my daughter as she eagerly runs towards the shore. Reading a book, while she buries my feet in the sand. On the boardwalk, watching her climb up the slide.

I am not that amazing mother, knee deep in the sand with shovel in hand. I gaze from a distance, in complete amazement, with total gratitude, and shoulders deep at peace with who I am.

Tips for the Staying Fit, Fab while with Fetus

I was a hungry pregnant lady. I ate everything, every second of the day. Burger joints and ice cream shops were my favorite stops. Though I secretly wished our baby was born 40, 50, 60 pounds, I took full responsibility for my poor eating and fitness habits. That over nine months, I packed exponentially more than the recommended 25-30 pounds, by eating everything fried and nothing nutritious.

It took considerably more time—about four years—and a whole lotta sweat to finally shed those excessive baby pounds.

So I wonder, given the hunger pangs and the baby bump, Is it possible to stay fit and fabulous during pregnancy? Excluding the irritating-fabulous-celebrity-moms, of course. (I’m talking to you, Heidi Klum).

Answer: Yes.

Watching my sister maneuver through her first pregnancy suggests that it is indeed possible. Entering her third trimester, she looks amazing. She regularly hits the gym, eats the recommended daily calories and gains the required weight.


After getting the green light from her doctor, sis is determined to continue her exercise regimen which includes strength training and her personal favorite cardio—swimming. She obviously has made some necessary adjustments.

Here , I present her...


Tips when exercising while pregnant.

Pack a healthy snack in your gym bag Don’t end your workout on a low note because you experience a hunger attack. Being pregnant = getting hungry + getting hungry fast. So be sure to pack a banana, granola bar, or something with a bit of carbs and sugar to satiate your sudden cravings.

Wear the right clothes Wear comfortable clothes with enough room for your growing baby bump. You don't necessarily have to say goodbye to your cute shorts and tops - just make some slight modifications. There are obviously certain parts of the body that need to be accommodated, like the tummy area, which can be particularly sensitive to some women. Sis prefers wearing spandex shorts versus baggy shorts—to give the tummy some extra breathing room—matched with maternity tanks. I encourage a good sports bra too—for the developing tatas.

Drink plenty of water Pregnant women are advised to drink up to 64 fluid oz per day (6-8 glasses). When exercising, it's recommended to drink an extra 8 fluid oz per every half hour. If you don't like the taste of plain water, simply add a little lemon juice for added flavor.

Monitor your heart rate One question she’s regularly asked at the gym is whether her exercise regimen hurts the baby. Reasonably performed exercise doesn't appear to cause harm. The key is finding a reasonable level, and that depends largely your pre-pregnancy fitness level and current health. So monitor your exertion by monitoring your heart rate. Make sure it doesn’t exceed 140 bpm by checking it manually or using a heart rate monitor.

Swim Healthcare providers and fitness experts hail swimming as the best and safest exercise for pregnant women. Ideal because it’s a good workout as well makes you feel weightless despite the extra pregnancy pounds.

Do you have any tips to keep fit, fab while with fetus? I will continually pester my sis to share her secrets. But till then, Happy Pregnancy!

Sis is the founder of De*Nada Design , an emerging accessories line specializing in handmade knits for women and men. You can follow her on twitter at @denadadesign.

Motivational Monday: Reclaiming a Marriage After an Unplanned Pregnancy

This past week, our daughter spent some time with her grandparents. She played with her cousins, consumed massive amounts of sweets, and stayed up late watching her beloved Disney movies. Basically, she had a blast. Just as importantly, the Hubby and I had some much-needed alone time.

By mharvey 75 using the Creative Commons License

Our daughter—as much as we love her—was a surprise. Dating for several years, we planned to marry and start a family eventually. But mother nature inevitably took charge and we couldn’t procrastinate any longer. Glaring down a positive pregnancy test and barely visible baby bump, we suddenly found ourselves with an enormous responsibility at hand. To grow up quickly, to become the responsible nine-to-fiver, that buys insurance and pension plans, owns a family car and home. The whole nine yards in merely nine months. And yes, add getting married at six-months pregnant into the mix.

Like my hormones, our relationship went through a whirlwind. We never experienced marriage minus the kids, or even a honeymoon. But we regarded all previous years being just a couple the vacation—which now seemed like a distant memory.

During our week alone, we made several references to those missing marital years: Well, this must be what being married feels like! We had dinners alone. Deep conversations over wine. Long walks holding hands. A marriage uninterrupted.

Yet, at times I would glance behind me and notice an empty carseat, toddler bed, toys scattered across the living room floor. As much as we wanted to relive our carefree years through these date nights, we weren’t young anymore, nor single or childless.

We are a family.

Reuniting with my daughter again brought so much joy. She is the heart of all our hard work, our marriage and our life. She is not a burden, or the symbol of a single life lost. She is the product of our strength, perseverance, and faith that love conquers all.

If being away from my daughter confirmed my desire for family, it also exemplified our imminent future—of plenty more alone time. For all our hard work and love will finally come to fruition when our daughter ultimately claims her independence. And rather than wishing for some much-needed alone time, I will be desperately grasping to hold her in my arms again.

By Miss Kim Marie, using the Creative Commons License 

But, maybe by then, the Hubby and I would have already repaired age-old wounds, built deeper connections, and renewed spirits—so we can too frolic the sandy beaches of some distant island, like a newly married couple, looking onward to the horizon.

Springing and Sinking into Motherhood

I place my hand on my sister’s pregnant belly.

My niece/nephew’s kicks instantly transport me to my pregnancy days—of utter excitement—when I first felt my baby’s movements—and heartbreaking fear—of the seemingly impossible task ahead.

I offer countless pointers—on baby slings and baby toys, from breastfeeding to tummy-time. I recount the first time I held her, when our eyes met, my awe as she hit each milestone.

  Photo by Gonzalo Merat used with Creative Commons license.

Our conversation sinks into murky territories surrounding messes, frustrations and fatigue. Determined to dispel myths about motherhood, I ineptly end up shattering her expectant spirits. Sharing is now scaring and I stop.

Motherhood has been a springboard. I am grateful to have taken that exhilarating jump, proud to break ground, and humbled when I open my eyes and run out of air.